You look like someone I could love tonight without the fuss.

I'm going to be blatantly honest, because I can be. Because no one really reads this anyways. It's more for my personal enjoyment. So here we go.

I had a really vivid sex dream the other night. And as some people may or may not know, I have this thing going on where I wake up and I can still feel everything in my dream. Like, physically.

Anyways, I woke up and went, "Jesus, well that was awful."

It made me realize I'm pretty okay with where I'm at. Read: being a virgin. Yes, I am the type of person who wants, craves, is desperate for some affection/attention/occasional feeling up.

But I'm realizing I'm also the type of person that when that happens, I'm going to be terrified. So it can't be with a stranger, or a random person that I met two hours prior and can't even remember their name. After what happened with what'shisname last semester, I'd really rather not find myself shirtless in the dark, a naked guy in front of me, terrified to move.

Does that make me a prude? No. Does it mean I want to wait till marriage or something? No. It just means that my selection process is difficult. I don't trust easy, and when I do trust someone enough for that, it's going to mean a lot. It's going to be a serious thing for me.

Right now I'm really trying to focus on myself. Trying to get healthier, loose this weight. And I can tell that a huge part of me is motivated by the thought that maybe I'll meet someone. Does that make me stupid? I think it makes me human. I think everyone needs someone and they'll do crazy things to get them. Mine just happens to be productive and healthy.

In other news: I'm having nightmares about a job I haven't even started yet, I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail my History class, and I'd really love a glass of wine before bed.